Because my last blog was all me me me, I thought it would be more interesting to tell you all about my college Armin who is from Mostar Bosnia. He was a teenager during the war and he has shared some amazing stories with me that I will now share with you.

Mostar is the capital of Bosnia and was named after an ancient bridge built during the Ottoman era and it was the pride of the city, symbolizing the link between east and west. During the war it was destroyed and has since been rebuilt. The order to destroy the bridge came form one of our accused, Mr. Praljak. During the war this bridge was also a favorite target for snipers, shooting people as they tried to cross.

Armin is Muslim and lived in the east part of the city. During the war, all the Muslims in Mostar were pushed to the east side in what was viewed as an attempted at ethnic cleansing. This area could be compared to the Jewish ghettoes that had been set up during WII. These people were constantly sniped at and the area was bombed on a regular bases. These people suffered through what is called the 1,000 day siege.

There was no where to go so people learned to survived. Most of the time there was no running water and no electricity, or it was spotty at best. People would travel down to the river for water used for washing and travel to the town square where there was a pump supplying drinking water. Snipers choose these places to target because of the high volume of humane traffic. It was risky to be out at any given time during the day, but these places were the most dangerous.

Every morning Armin would travel to the river for water. Then in the afternoon he would go to the square close to his house where there was a pump that supplied drinking water. This was the only place that had drinking water so people were forced to go there. One afternoon Armin was heading to the square and his older neighbor was waiting at the street corner getting ready to cross the road. He turned to Armin and said he was going to run and for Armin to follow close behind. The neighbor stepped out into the street and before he could take another step the ever familiar sound of a rifle being fired echoed through the air. The next thing Armin remembers is being covered with brain fragments and blood that use to be contained in the man that had lived next to him for years. He stood there without moving for an undetermined amount of time. Then walked over to the pump and washed him self off. Then went home and never said a word to his parents about what happened.

Another time Armin escaped death was when his family was staying with cousins. His cousins lived in an apartment building with a basement that was used as a bomb shelter. During times of heavy bombing it was a safer location. Armin was asleep in his cousin’s room and did not hear the air raid sirens go off. His family made there way down to the basement and soon his Dad was looking for him and could not find him. Armin was not with the rest of the family. Then bombs started to hit the building.

When the bombing stopped, his Dad ran back up to the apartment and rushed into the bedroom to find Armin lying under the window that had been blown out of the wall. Also part of the ceiling had collapsed onto the bed. His Dad was sure he would find Armin dead. Once everyone pulled the debris away, Armin lifted his head and asked what was going on. His Dad yelled at him and asked him why he did not leave to the basement. Armin was in such a deep state of sleep he did not hear the sirens or even the bomb that hit the building and destroyed the apartment next door.

These are only a few and after telling me these stories Armin says that he really doesn’t know why he is still alive. Today he is thirty-one and to look at him you would never guess he experienced such trauma. He has such a great sprit and attitude toward life. He reminds me a lot of my son Michael, very easy going and always in good spirits. He takes his job very seriously and there have been a few times during court that were difficult for him. During the Milosevic trial there was video evidence presented showing the execution of several Muslim teenage boys. They were blind folded and marched out into a field, then shot one at a time. He was working the day this video was played in court and needed someone to come in and take over for him. Another day during the Prlic trial which deals with Mostar, there was an old neighbor of his that was a witness in court and he was worried that his presence would compromise the testimony.

One day I was working the Prilic case and the BBC reporter Mr. Peter Burdin testified about his experience in Mostar. Mr. Burdin produced a documentary for BBC about Mostar during the 1,000 day siege and it was aired in its entirety during court. I could not believe what I was seeing and most of all it was hard to believe that I knew someone who had lived there during that time. When I came back into the office after my shift, I talked to Armin about the documentary. I was in shock and pretty much speechless for the rest of the day. What he had gone through, and the person that I see today just doesn’t seem to add up.

He is one of my favorite people. I look at him with a high degree of respect. Armin is a walking testament that people can experience trauma beyond what we think we are capable of surviving and can come out the other side, whole. He looks at the world in a practical way. There are things we can change and things we can’t. The part that we cannot control or change will not bring us down unless we choose to let it.

Following are audio links to a two part BBC follow-up, ten years later in Mostar.

http://odeo.com/audio/318212/play http://odeo.com/audio/319028/view


Cheers,
Kim

Photos: Jenn and me dressing Kai
Kai ready to go

I have been back in The Hague for two weeks now after my whirlwind trip home. I had a very good time seeing everyone and I have to say, the trip was great. In this blog I will talk about my trip and thought I would also do something else a little different. I want to take turns telling you about some of the people I work with. This will be a break from my normal dialog of eating and drinking my way across Europe. Well at lest until there is something so amazing that I just have to share.

OK, there is one food thing I do need to share. This past weekend was the arrival of the “new haring”. This is a big deal for the Dutch community. There are celebrations here in The Hague and Rotterdam. Down by the harbor, close to my house, the boats were adorned with colorful flags and there were some amusement park rides set up as well. And of course the haring stands with cloggy's cueing up for fish on a toasty bun with onions or just alone ready to slide down an awaiting throat were everywhere. I did not take part, though it was fun watching the local’s line up the same way Washingtonian’s line up for scones at the western Washington state fair. Then to my surprise when I went to Dutch class this past Tuesday afternoon, my instructor brought in new haring on little biscuits along with some Dutch gin to accompany it. I was a little hesitant because the haring I tried before was very strange. I put that out of my mind and grabbed a biscuit. Down it went and I have to say, it was good. The only haring to eat in this country is “new haring”. There is nothing like it.

My flight home was fairly uneventful until I changed planes in DC. Most of you heard the story so I will give the cliff note version: Once at the gate I found out the plane had been down sized and twenty people were losing their seats. Lucky for me I had an assigned seat that still existed on the shorter plane. All the confusion delayed the flight by almost forty minutes. I don’t know how the pilot did it, but we were only fifteen minutes late landing in Portland. Dan was waiting for me at the airport right outside the security area. It was so good to see him. From the airport we stopped at Fred Meyer because I needed to get a few things, then it was off to Amnesia to meet a group of friends for welcome home beers.

I have to clarify that the significance of this trip was for Dan and I to meet each other’s family and mutual friends. He had already met a number of my close friends, thou I had not meet his. On Saturday Dan and I took my sons Michael and Donald out to lunch. Afterwards, Donald had to leave to get ready for work and the rest of us went bowling. We had a good time. I had not been bowling for years and I was a bit sore for a few days after. Meeting my two sons went well and Dan survived.

That night it was “game night” with a group of Dan’s close friends, or I should say with two other couples. Game night is a long-standing tradition with this group of friends and it was my first time. They play a card game that has a real name though with this group it is known as “and this mother fucker makes five”. It is also a time for everyone to decompress, meaning a fair amount of drinking and lots of joking with each other. I felt very welcomed into this group.

Sunday was a big day for me because it was the day I met Dan’s parents. His Dad and step Mom had us over for brunch. I was a little nervous, though they made me feel at home. After a few hours we said our good byes and then went to meet up with Dan’s son Tim. Both meetings went great. Dan and I were both amazed at how comfortable this was for everyone.

Sunday night was dinner at Bombay cricket club for Michael and me, and then drinks with my friends Pam and Andrew. Donald and a few of his friends showed up after they got off of work. After a few hours we all said goodbye, then I was off to Pam’s. I stayed with her Sunday night and we hung out all day Monday. We did some shopping and went out to lunch. That night we both meet up with Gayle for dinner at Wild Abandon. Then the drinking continued at Pam’s where Dan joined us after he got off work. Ok I just noticed that this is another blog with nothing but food and drinking. Sorry about that, I guess it is the nature of things when traveling.

Tuesday I hung out with Michael and Donald, we tackled my storage unit. That night Dan and I met up with my KGW pals. Wednesday Michael and I went out to lunch with Vicky and Donna. Then that evening Dan and I went to “beer night” which has been a Wednesday night ritual for a group of my Portland friends for years. Later, there were more beers with Gayle and Daniel.

Thursday it was Dan’s turn to meet the rest of my family. Early afternoon we drove up to Puyallup. The plan was my family made arrangements for all of us to get together for dinner. Because there was going to be about fifteen of us, my aunt made arrangements for us to take over a meeting room at the VFW where she works. It was hamburger night and my mom was making sure there would be stiff drinks available, she felt Dan might appreciate one.

We first drove to my Mom’s place where my daughter and grandson were. Kai just turned two a few days before and I had presents to give him. One was a fireman’s raincoat with matching boots and the other was a pair of lederhosen I bought in Austria. Of course we had to put Kai in his new little outfit. Dan took pictures of Jenn and the grandma’s dressing him so he would know who to blame when the pictures are past around when he brings his first girlfriend home to meet mom.

We then headed down to the VFW to meet up with the rest of the family. After we walked in my Aunt was at the door to greet us. Soon everyone else trickled in. My dad and step-mom, Brother, sister, and my cousins were all there. The dinner went off without a hitch. After wards Dan and I went over to my sisters were we where staying.

The next few days were just spent hanging out with my family. One day we went to the park with my mom, step-dad, Jenn and Kai. That night we went out to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Then there was a dinner at my dad’s. Sunday, the day we were heading back to Portland, my aunt cooked Dan and I breakfast. My cousin Cinnamon and her husband Doug from Denver were there as well and I got to meet their new baby (my new cousin) Cade. Dan was able to meet my entire immediate family except my cousin Cassie’s husband Gregg. It was intense family fusion time.

Sunday night back in Portland there were last drinks with good friend. Then it was on the plane and back to the Netherlands Monday morning.

My trip home was fantastic. I did not get to see everyone; however there will be a next time. The main objective was accomplished. Dan and I were able to be immersed in each others families. I must tell you this was a bit scary, this was new ground for us both. I have come out of a twenty-five year marriage and Dan’s was twenty-one years. Both of us have been out of the single realm for a long time and did not know what to expect. What we got was warm support from all sides. Of course everyone knows that the priority of this trip was family and friends, and everyone knows that we plan on being together for a while. No wedding bells as some have asked, just moving forward slowly.

I want to tell everyone “thank you” for being so supportive and accepting. I have the greatest family and friend in the world. I have gained a new family and circle of friends, and so has Dan.

Cheers and all my love

Kim